The Last Time

Is this really it? Is this all I've got? Is this all the Lord is teaching me? I feel like the well has run dry, but I know that's impossible with God.  So it has to be me.  I can't seem to put two thoughts together these days.  One thing I know, is life is but a vapor and we take too much for granted.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the last time I saw Tru Tru.   Breylon had spent the night with me and Truitt had spent the night with Cody's mom on Sunday night. It was Monday before he died on Wednesday.  Lacy and Cody had come to pick Breylon up.  Thankfully, they had gotten Truitt first.  What I remember most about that night was that he was not in a hugging mood.  He wanted his Mommy or Daddy, probably because he'd just spent the last night and day away from them. One way I was sure to get his attention was with my iPad. He was definitely a techno geek.  He loved anything electronic, and he loved my iPad. He'd sit in my lap indefinitely as long as he could play on it.  Well that night, I was pretty worn out from having Brey for the past 36 hours, and not having much sleep, so I didn't play with Truitt for long.  Then gene got his nightly bowl of ice cream and Truitt's attention instantly turned to Poppa.  He stood at the side of Gene's chair and patiently waited for his bite.  Gene was tired and a little hesitant to share because Truitt had a filthy face at the moment from something. Nevertheless, denying that face is almost impossible, so Gene gave him a bite.  That was all it took. Truitt was like a little puppy begging for a bone.  He stood there grunting at Gene. "uuhh"..."uuhh"! We laughed, and Gene said "no more now, go play.". Well, that wasn't what Tru Tru  wanted to hear.  He gave a very deep toned grunt as he often did at times  like this, " UHH"!!  We laughed again. Gene looked at me and said "but look at his dirty face.". I said, "oh come on, it's just a little dirt. Give him a bite. These times are precious." he agreed and shared the rest of his bowl with Truitt while we watched and laughed at Truitt grunting for every bite. Little did I know how precious the moment was, and what a treasured memory it would be for us all.  I mean it was just ice cream, right?

Then as they were leaving Cody was bringing him around for bye hugs and kisses to everyone. I took him from Cody, even though he really just wanted to stay with his daddy, gave him a squeeze and kiss and gave him back to Cody. Cody was so busy talking that he didn't even realize I'd taken him from him so he said to Truitt, "here give Grammaw bye loves.". Truitt, being reluctant,and me being tired and just ready to go to bed replied, "I've already given him hugs bye." and so they left, and that was it. I was never to see him alive again.  I know it's of no value to have regrets, but oh how I wish I'd have insisted on just one more of his big hugs and slobbery wide open mouthed kisses.

Losing a loved one, especially a child, sure changes your perspective on everyday life. Or at least it has for me. I weigh my words differently (at least I try to). I think "what if this is the last time", ALOT.  I know that can seem like bondage and maybe to some extent it is, but the truth is, it might be the last time.  It's not just an out there observation people make anymore. It's a reality. It really, really, really, could be the last time...the last kiss or hug, the last bowl of ice cream shared, the last chance to play a game, the last words you say.  Now it seems it goes through my mind as I'm saying goodbye to my friends and loved ones, "have no regrets, make it count, it might be your last chance".

That's not to say that I'm always successful and I haven't left with regrets. I have, but not as thoughtlessly as before, and I sure try harder to make it right now.

I sure love my family and friends. I'm so thankful that God put every one of them in my life.  I want them to all know that by my actions, and that requires acts of love and kindness on my part.

Take nothing granted, have no regrets. This my be your last chance to make amends with someone or to make sure they know how much you love them. This may be your last moment with them.  Make a memory that you can hang on to. Even if it's just sharing a bowl of ice cream.  Make it count. Make every moment count.

This picture was taken last winter when Truitt got caught playing in the ash bucket. All of the kids have done it, but he definitely made the biggest mess. Regrets? At the time yes, that I hadn't put the bucket out of his reach. What a mess that was to clean up. (for Lacy, lol) Now, not one. I'm so glad for laughs at this and the photo to remember it by.