Well tomorrow is the day we've all secretly been wishing we could avoid, Truitt's 2nd birthday. We are all at such a loss at what to do to commemorate this day. Do we bake and decorate a birthday cake, as if he were here to enjoy it? Do we buy gifts for....someone..., but who? Do we go to Truitt's grave and leave flowers, or balloons? Do we just get together and try not to cry the entire day? One thing is for sure, we don't want to forget the day and pretend that it was never a special day in our lives. We don't want to pretend that nothing terrible has happened. Yet, everything about this day reminds us of the huge gaping hole in our family.
I realize that whatever we do is only for our own benefit, not for Truitt. However, even that fact alone is evidence of what is missing in our hearts. A child's birthday, without the child. Not the joyous, loud, excited event you normally think of when celebrating a child's birthday.
So we must find a way to bring joy to the occasion. Otherwise it will forever be as sad and dreaded as it is right now. Maybe someday we can spend the day sharing our memories of Tru Tru with each other. This year, I don't think we can do that. I think the most we can hope for is just being together and enjoying each other and the fact that we still each other today, despite the brokenness we feel without Tru Tru, we still have each other, and as much as we don't want it to be, his death unites even more.
We love you so much Tru Tru. We miss you more than words can say. I still smell your sweet head from when I kissed you there, and feel your warm soft cheeks on my shoulder when you hugged and snuggled with me. Oh how I'd love to snuggle up with you now. I feel your puffy baby hands in mine. I want to remember these things forever. It's painful to recollect but I don't want to ever forget anything. Someday I'll see you again and I can't wait to kiss you and hug you and walk the streets of gold with you, hand in hand, and run through the green meadows, and pick flowers. Grammaw loves you baby boy. Happy Birthday!
Awkwardness Level: Expert
1 week ago