Grief Week 6.....

Grief-week 6-confusion and sadness evolve...

Anger takes a firm hold of some of us. They say its "part of the process".  I sure hope "they" know what they're talking about.

If only us grown ups could sort through things like the little ones do, excepting what is without too many uncertainties. 

It is so hard not to be able to explain away the current events with something more comforting than "he's in a better place now....He's happy with God....we will see him again someday.". All true, but honestly, it doesn't ease the excruciating pain of a mother whose baby has been ripped from her arms..from her life, without warning....the strain and stress on a young father who is trying to stay strong for his grief stricken wife and remaining child, and stay busy enough that he doesn't have time to think too long about the pain he himself is in...the loneliness of a big brother who is too young to remember a time in his short little life without his little brother, until now.

As mothers we instinctively need to know our children are ok and happy.  That's what mothers do. It seems to me that alot of fathers are geared to stay focused on providing for the physical and spiritual needs of their children and moms are more concerned with the emotional needs and their  sense of security and well being. When something so sudden and tragic as the this, the loss of a little one, happens to a family, these instincts don't go away.  It seems they gnaw at you, fighting do what they've always done for this lost one.  Maybe  that's part of where the anger comes from.  I mean how many of you moms would just "move on" with life if someone came in and decided your child was better off with them? Even when that someone is God, it doesn't feel right. It feels wrong. Very, very wrong. 

I can honestly say that God has blessed me with an enormous and unexpected amount of peace during this time of suffering, and has and continues to teach me numerous new truths about Him and my relationship with Him.  I know He is willing to do the same for anyone else who is open to receiving His comfort, peace and truths.

This may seem strange to say, but I want you to know that for years and years I've prayed to God to do whatever it took to bring my children to a place of loving and serving Him mightily.  I knew when I prayed that, it would probably mean struggles of some kind.  I didn't know it would be this, and I didn't know it would be this hard. I wonder if I would have known, if I would have still prayed the same.  Yes,I think I would.   I know that if He brought us to it, He will see us through it.

As many milestones lie ahead in the very near future, Truitt's birthday next month, remembering him in his monkey costume on Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas , I foresee much more pain and grieving for my family, I just pray that as each day passes, a new ray of hope will find its way into the hearts of  Truitt's mommy, daddy, and big brother, for they are hurting the most.

Strangely, I feel a confidence that when all this grief has run its course and turned into something more productive, my children, all of them, will walk closer to the Lord Jesus than before our great loss.

Luke 9:24-25 "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?"